


The Journey Home

by Melime



Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: Alternate Reality, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-16
Updated: 2016-04-16
Packaged: 2018-06-02 16:43:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 20,393
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6574027
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Melime/pseuds/Melime
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When John accidentally activates an Ancient device, he's transported to an alternate version of Earth, where he meets a Rodney McKay completely different from the one he knows. Every forty-eight hours, he jumps to a new alternate reality, always near a McKay. However, he soon learns that the jumps will kill him unless he can find a way back to his own reality soon.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Journey Home

**Author's Note:**

  * Translation into Português brasileiro available: [A jornada para casa](https://archiveofourown.org/works/6574054) by [Melime GreenLeaf (Melime)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Melime/pseuds/Melime%20GreenLeaf)



> First of all, many thanks to penumbria for this marvelous idea, it was delightful to work with it (and now I don't want to let go of this universe). Also, thank you so much to my lovely beta feygrim.
> 
> Written for the SGA Reverse Big Bang 2016.
> 
> Before we start, just a few non spoilery warnings: this features some minor violence, past minor character death, off-screen drug use, and some kissing while suffering from somewhat impaired judgment.

Something about that facility made John anxious. Ronon and Teyla were keeping watch at the door, but he still kept Rodney within grabbing distance, just in case. There was a tingly sensation on the back of his head that reminded him of Atlantis, and it was like a low-level warning, like a tiny red notification blinking on the lower right corner of a computer screen. It was distracting, too distracting, and it was getting louder. The system wasn’t as sophisticated as Atlantis’, it didn’t feel sentient and didn’t indicate what the problem was, but one thing was clear, they shouldn’t be there.

“McKay, what did I say about touching anything?” John said when Rodney came dangerously close to a red hemisphere that reminded John of the center of a DHD.

Rodney rolled his eyes. “Please, Colonel, that’s my line. You are the one always touching things you aren’t supposed to. I know what I’m doing, I’ll just see what it does.”

“Negative, you aren’t going to turn this on before you know exactly what it does.” The tingly sensation was stronger now, more urgent, as if the facility or the device or whatever piece of Ancient tech that was trying to communicate with him was urging him to go away.

“You do realize that I can’t tell what it does unless I plug in my computer, right?” Rodney didn’t wait for permission, installing his computer quickly and reaching to press the red button.

“Wait, I think that’s the wrong one,” he said before Rodney could press it.

“And how would you know that?” Rodney asked irritated.

John couldn’t answer that. Instead, his fingers were drawn to a similar hemisphere, but blue. Everything happened too fast after that. The floor below him began to glow in a similar tone of blue, then the light moved under them around the room until it reached Rodney, blinking rapidly as if locking on a target. He didn’t have time to get to Rodney before everything became a giant ball of light.

\---

He woke up back in the forest, and needed a minute to take his surroundings. His first thought was that Ronon carried him out, and then went back for Rodney, but that didn’t make much sense, because both Teyla and Ronon were at the same distance from the device, and if both were unaffected, Teyla would have stayed with him while Ronon went for Rodney, or have carried Rodney herself. He tried his radio, no response. That was never a good sign. John looked around, and realized something was seriously wrong, because he didn’t recognize this path. Worse, he was sure this plant life was completely different from what he had seen earlier. It reminded him of Canada, but that didn’t narrow down the possibilities, since a surprisingly high number of planets had forests that reminded him of Canada. Or maybe he was spending too much time with Rodney, who loved making that comparison. Looking up, he confirmed his suspicions: the sun looked bigger, and he could barely see one small moon, instead of the three large moons clearly visible even when the sun was high. Somehow, he had been transported to another planet.

Even though the radio hadn’t worked, John still couldn’t be sure that the others hadn’t been transported with him, so his first priority was to look for them. If he found the gate while doing that, he would dial Atlantis and request reinforcements. John had barely given a couple steps when he heard a noise behind him, and immediately pointed his P-90 at… Rodney.

He lowered his weapon before he could think, relieved at seeing a familiar face.

“Who are you and what are you doing armed in my property?” Rodney yelled at him, holding his hands up, but with an angry look. “If you are after money, I don’t have anything anymore, everyone knows that. The only valuable thing here is the land itself, and I doubt you can take that with you.”

John realized that his relief came too soon. This Rodney looked nothing like his: he looked older, in a way that had nothing to do with age, his fingers were crooked, and his thick nightgown could barely hide the scar on his neck. His brain supplied him with a list of possibilities: alternate universe, virtual reality, hallucination. Without more data, he couldn’t know what was happening.

John put away his weapon, raising his hands and using his charming smile. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you. I’m John Sheppard, and I seem to be lost. Any chance you could help me?”

Rodney didn’t seem impressed. “You are a long way from home, unless the U.S. Army decided to invade Canada,” he said, pointing at John’s sleeve.

When he raised that finger, John saw that the damage was worse than he had imagined. Someone broke them, violently, and then didn’t allow the bones to heal properly. Just looking at it was painful, and he tried to remind himself that this wasn’t his Rodney. “Air force, actually. And no, no invasion, I’m just spectacularly lost. I was actually looking for the Cheyenne Mountain complex.”

“In Colorado? How could you even–? Forget it, I don’t want to know. Too bad, for a moment there I almost thought you were going to kill me. Do you want to come inside and actually explain something or should I just call the police? It’s a long way to Colorado.”

John figured he might as well stay close to the place he arrived in case his Rodney came after him. “Sure, but you will have to lead the way, I’m somewhat prone to getting lost.”

Rodney rolled his eyes. “Great, first you invade my property pointing a gun at me, and now you are flirting with me. As if this day couldn’t get weirder.” He started walking back to his house.

John winced, then started following him. He didn’t think he was flirting, this was just his regular talking-to-Rodney tone, although of course this Rodney didn’t know that. He had to stop flirting with this Rodney. And his Rodney too. And especially, he needed to stop thinking of Rodney as his. He shook his head, it wasn’t time to think about this. “Sorry, not my intention.”

“Of course not. If seductive strangers didn’t flirt with me while I still had fans, that certainly isn’t going to happen now.” He tried for a sarcastic tone, but it was closer to sad, and John almost wanted to take that back, almost.

“You had fans?” he said instead, trying to learn more about this Rodney.

Rodney shrugged. “I was a pianist. Pretty good, actually. That is,” he waved a hand over his shoulder, for John to see, “before this happened. Now I can barely sign my name, let alone play. And you, what are you really doing here?”

John decided to tell a partial truth. “I was escorting a Canadian astrophysicist to Cheyenne Mountain to work in our deep space telemetry project, but the vehicle was compromised and we had to travel on foot to the meeting point for the helicopter. It’s probably gone by now, so I was thinking of meeting up with my team at the base.”

Rodney turned to look at him, while still walking. “You lost your asset and aren’t even worried? I can imagine what type of military career you have.”

“Actually, I’m a Lieutenant Colonel, and I’m not worried because my team has him, and I trust them.”

“Fine, if you say so, Colonel. I don’t suppose you can tell me the name of that astrophysicist?”

“Classified, sorry. Why, any reason to think you would know him?”

“Let’s just say that music wasn’t my only passion as a child. Maybe I made the wrong career choice.” Then, pointing at the house, “We are here, obviously. Leave your weapons at the door, I won’t have you inside looking like you are going to a war zone.”

John considered that for a moment, and left his P-90, but kept the clipping and his backup, as well as his knives. “Nice house.” It was almost as large as his father’s state, and one day it must have been a beautiful property.

“Please, Colonel, no need to lie. I know this house is falling apart, but what I’ve said before is true, I don’t even have enough money left to properly take care of it. Go sit in the living room,” he said, pointing at corridor. “Coffee or beer?” he asked on his way to the kitchen.

“Coffee is fine.” He still didn’t know what was happening, after all, so alcohol wasn’t a good choice. “Do you want any help?”

Rodney winced. “I’m not an invalid, I’m perfectly capable of serving a couple cups of coffee.”

Seeing that Rodney was uncomfortable, he changed the subject. “So, why don’t you sell? You could still make enough to buy a nice house in the city, or a small farm. Even more if the forest is all yours.”

“Yes, the forest area is mine too, but I don’t want to leave, this was my family’s house,” he shouted from the kitchen.

“You must have liked your family very much.” It was odd, since John knew his Rodney didn’t get along with his family, except for Jeannie.

Rodney was on his way back. “Well, actually, no. My parents made me perform and used all the money for themselves, they really liked the idea of being rich. But my sister was nice, and ever since she died, I can’t convince myself to leave.”

“Jeannie is dead?” John asked surprised, realizing one moment too late that he wasn’t supposed to know her name.

Rodney dropped the coffee mugs on the floor, and ran to John, grabbing him by the vest. “Who told you this?! What do you really want here?! Did your boss send you here to finish the job?!”

Being this close, John could see the scar clearly. Someone had tried to cut his throat, and did a poor job. That, along with the broken fingers, didn’t paint a pretty picture. “Look, McKay–”

“I never told you my name.”

John was screwing this up; he needed to stop thinking of this man as Rodney before he made things worse. “I can’t explain why I’m here or how I know these things, but I swear I’m not here to hurt you.”

Rodney laughed dryly. “Not here to hurt me? And what could you possibly do to hurt me? It’s not as if I have anything else to lose, and to be quite honest, I’m not so sure I place that much value in my life.”

John couldn’t help but wonder what the hell happened to this Rodney to leave him like this, it almost compelled him to tell the truth, but he knew he couldn’t, not yet anyway. “I can’t tell you, you’ll just have to trust me. But I have combat training and am heavily armed, if I wanted to do anything against you, don’t you think I would have done it already?”

Rodney let go of him. “You have a point.”

“So, are you going to tell me why somebody would want to kill you?”

“Are you going to tell me how do you know me?”

“You first, then I’ll tell you as much as I can.”

Rodney sat down on a couch on the other side of the living room. “My father had huge gambling debts, after he died, they passed on to me. Despite being a well-off musician, I couldn’t pay them all, and when I missed a deadline, they came, broke my fingers, and slit my throat, leaving me here to die. Couldn’t even do this right, as you can see by the fact I’m still alive, and that I can still talk. Your turn.”

“I have no idea how I arrived here, I was in a very distant place. I know who you are because my mother was a fan of yours, I remembered that she mentioned your name and your sister’s, and that you had retired, when you said you were a pianist that couldn’t play anymore, I connected the dots.”

Rodney squinted his eyes. “I don’t believe a word of what you are saying, but, as we already established, there isn’t anything you can do to make my life worse. So, if you want to stay the night, I have plenty of spare rooms, none of them particularly clean, but we are in the middle of nowhere and you won’t find transportation to the city until the morning.”

“You are going to let me stay even though you think I’m here to kill you?”

“I’m going to let you stay because I have no power to take you out of this house while you are armed, but also because nothing about you makes sense and I don’t like unsolved mysteries.”

“Wait a second, what time is it?”

“After four, but the phone only works in the morning for some reason since that storm last year, and it’s too late to get to the city before it gets dark.”

“So when you said you were going to call the police?”

“I was bluffing, can you blame me? A strange man invaded my property armed.”

“Fair enough.”

“So, is there anything you can tell me about you that isn’t classified and is actually true?”

John thought about it for a minute. “I like Ferris wheels, college football, and anything that goes more than two hundred miles an hour.” He smiled, but then stopped when he realized this Rodney wouldn’t understand his reference. “How about you?”

Rodney rolled his eyes. “I like coffee, hockey, and bad sci-fi movies, now how about you tell me anything real?”

“Hey, I was telling the truth. But fine, what do you want to know? I have a brother, my father died a few years ago, my mother died when I was young. I was briefly married, a long time ago, it didn’t work out. Five years ago I moved to a new place I really like, and I made a lot of friends.”

Rodney considered that for a moment. “That’s a good way to say a lot without actually telling me anything. Except for the fact I’ve retired ten years ago, which means you are either lying about your mother now, or you know about me some other way.”

John cursed. He was busted, and he didn’t even had any good excuses. “Fine, what do you want me to tell you? I can’t say anything about my work or where I live.”

“Anything that means anything.”

“If I do, will you tell me about Jeannie?”

Rodney looked suspicious. “Why would you want to know anything about her?”

John shrugged. “I don’t know, just seems fair.” He couldn’t very well say he was curious about this Rodney because of the one he knew, but he didn’t have any good excuses to ask.

“Fine, but you have to tell me something big. Something you wouldn’t tell even your best friend. And I’ll know if you are lying.”

John could think of one thing that fit that description, and spoke before he could think better of it. “I’m in love with my best friend, and a few days ago I kissed him during a, let’s say festival, but I don’t think he remembers that, and sadly he’s always given me every indication that he’s straight. Satisfied?” At any rate, he figured there was no danger in letting this Rodney know that.

“Well, that’s a waste. Personally, I never understood why anyone would limit themselves to fifty percent of the population. What do you want to know about Jeannie?”

John tried not to think about that comment, this Rodney and his were different on many aspects, there was no reason for him to think this information was relevant. “How did she die?”

Rodney’s face went dark. “Lung collapse. You know, it’s getting late, and I usually go to bed early, so you can choose whatever room you like, I’ll be going now,” he said while standing up.

John knew he had said the wrong thing, but didn’t know what he could say to fix it. “Look, Rodney, I–”

“Save it. Whatever you are trying to get from me, just leave me alone, I don’t have anything left.” Rodney left without giving John a chance to say anything else.

John cursed himself for being so careless. This Rodney had obviously suffered a lot, and his clinical description of Jeannie’s death lead John to believe her death had been violent. He was on his way up the stairs when he realized what had most likely happened. If Jeannie lived in this house by the time she died a violent death, and Rodney had to retire ten years ago after being violently attacked and left for dead, the two events were most likely connected. John tried not to think about Rodney bleeding on the floor, with his sister dying next to him.

By the time he found an empty room that didn’t have holes on the ceiling or the floor, the events of that day were beginning to get to him. He had left Atlantis a little after lunch, and they needed six hours to find the facility, since the energy signs were too weak; that, plus the strain of being transported to another universe, had him exhausted. Still, he knew he had more important things to do than sleep.

John considered his alternatives. He didn’t think it was likely that this was a scenario fabricated either to take information from him or keep him trapped, and a hallucination didn’t seem probable either. So that left him with an alternate universe. Except if that was the case, he wasn’t just transported to another reality, he was transported back to Earth, and nowhere near any sort of device that would explain such targeting. He thought back about how the device seemed to lock on Rodney before he lost conscience. The only reason he could think to being brought there was that the purpose of the device was to take someone to an alternate version of a specific person, but that didn’t give him any information as to how to return. Eventually, the exhaustion became too great to ignore, and after barricading the door, he decided to sleep.

\---

As far as John could tell, in this reality, Earth never discovered the stargate. Either that or it was discovered under different enough circumstances that no one in Cheyenne Mountain knew anything about it. Despite giving them over the phone as much information as he could remember, all he managed to achieve was making them block Rodney’s number.

Since he didn’t have anywhere else to go unless he wanted to go searching for the Antarctica gate alone, and whatever happened was somehow connected to Rodney, he asked him if he could stay. He wasn’t all that surprised when Rodney didn’t object; this Rodney didn’t seem willing to oppose someone he couldn’t stop.

He found out more, during that day. Rodney had to drop out of a physics course because his parents didn’t want him wasting any time not making them money. His parents died in a car crash because his father had been drinking. His fingers were broken one by one and when the men sent after him weren’t convinced that he was telling the truth about not having enough cash on hand, his throat was slit and Jeannie was stabbed several times. He was found days later, dehydrated and almost dead, and by then the bones were beginning to set and it was too late to return them to full mobility. He didn’t have any money left but he still had that property, that could be easily sold if he so desired, despite the depredation of the manor.

Perhaps the strangest thing about this Rodney was how easily he accepted things without much questioning. Apart from a few mostly random fits of anger that dissolved as quickly as they started, he simply accepted John’s presence and questions, going about his day as he normally would. It was a level of apathy that contradicted everything that John knew about Rodney.

By the end of the day, John was no closer to finding out a way back to his universe than he was when he first arrived, and he was beginning to worry that his own Rodney didn’t have much clue as to how to rescue him. John gave himself another day of waiting, then he would explore the forest and try to find a way back.

\---

“You should sell this place,” John said as they sat down for breakfast, on the second morning.

“Excuse me? And what makes you think you have any say on this?”

“What other plan do you have? You don’t even have enough money to stop your house from falling apart.”

“Thank you for point out the obvious, but I would rather die than leave this place.”

“Because of Jeannie? Do you think you are honoring her memory like this?”

“You have known me for less than two days, don’t pretend you know anything about me other than whatever pieces of random information you seem to have for no reason.”

At this point, John almost told him the truth. This was Rodney, after all, and what would be the harm of sharing classified information if it wasn’t classified here? “I know that if your sister cared about you, and I think she did, she wouldn’t want this life for you.”

“I don’t know if you noticed, but my life is over already. I’m a broke pianist that can’t play anymore.”

“You are not defined by what you can do. You are barely over forty, how can you say that your life is over?” It hurt John that he thought so little of himself.

Rodney rolled his eyes. “Please, that’s just one of those things people say. A life without meaning isn’t much of a life.”

“You said you once wanted to study physics, you could go back to college.”

Rodney laughed dryly. “You do realize that I’m too old to become a scientist, right?”

“Don’t sell yourself short. Maybe you won’t be on a Nobel track, but you could still became a researcher or a professor.”

“Oh, sure. Years from now, when someone asks me what brought on that midlife crisis, I’ll just say one day a hot airman came to my house pointing guns at me and told me I should go study physics.”

John smiled at him. “So you think I’m hot?” ‘He’s not your Rodney,’ John tried to remind himself.

Rodney rolled his eyes. “Well, my eyes work perfectly fine, it’s just my hands that don’t. And was that the only thing you heard from what I said?”

“No, just the most important. And hey, at least that would make for a good story.”

“Are you always like that? With this Captain Kirk routine? Do you try to charm everyone you meet or am I a special case?”

John was amazed by how alike his Rodney this one could be at times, and it caught him off-guard. “You remind me of my friend.”

That seemed to bother Rodney. “Sorry, I have to go check my mailbox now,” he said, getting up while drinking the rest of his coffee. “It will take a while, it’s a bit over two miles away from here.”

“Two miles?”

“It’s near the road.”

“How large even is this land?”

Rodney shrugged. “Five thousand hectares or so. I’m not sure, my parents used to deal with the finances.”

“I could go with you.”

“I would really rather not, although as we established I don’t really have the power to stop you from doing whatever you want.”

John let him go alone, he didn’t want to impose on Rodney any more than he already was. Instead, he decided to use that time to explore the forest.

\---

The forest was a disappointment. It was past lunch when he decided to go back to the house, having found no new information.

“You are late, I assumed you had left,” Rodney said dryly as soon as he stepped through the door.

“I’m sorry, I should have left you a note. I went for a walk around the forest.”

“Well, the food is now cold, and I didn’t wait for you.”

The last thing John wanted was to upset the only person in this reality he knew, but he had managed to do just that.

\---

John thought there was nothing else about this Rodney that could surprise him, until his attempt at an apology somehow ended with Rodney pushing him against a wall and kissing him.

“Wait, Rodney,” he said, pushing him back. This was Rodney, but not the right one, and there was something seriously wrong about that.

“I know, I know, you don’t like me, but you said I remind you of your friend, and you can’t have your friend, but you can have me.”

John couldn’t say he wasn’t tempted. He could almost pretend this was his Rodney, although that was part of the problem. “It’s not fair to use you like this,” he said more to himself than to Rodney.

“Are you serious? I don’t mind being used.” He sound almost offended.

“I can’t. It wouldn’t be fair with my friend either.”

“You know, if you don’t want to sleep with me, fine. I mean, I’m aware that the scars and the useless fingers aren’t appealing, you don’t have to make excuses,” he said moving back.

“Rodney, that’s not what I mean.”

“You don’t have to lie to me.”

John grabbed him by the neck and kissed him deeply. “The problem isn’t that you aren’t attractive, and I wish my answer could be different, but the friend I talked about? He could be your twin, and if he ever found out, I don’t think our friendship would survive that. And if I am to be honest with myself, that’s the most important relationship I have in my life.”

“He doesn’t have to find out, believe me, I don’t have anyone to tell.” Rodney kissed him again.

John wondered how lonely and desperate this Rodney was. He talked depreciatingly about his appearance and in disbelief that anyone would be interested in him, maybe if John did this, it would improve Rodney’s self-confidence. Right, and that would be entirely altruistic, Rodney surely would understand that when he went back to his own reality.

John couldn’t resist kissing him again, although briefly. “I can’t do this to him.”

“You really love him.”

“I do. And you deserve better than someone who would only use you as a replacement for something they can’t have. I was serious before, you should sell this place. Go live a life. Do anything. If you can’t play, compose. Or, if you want, go back to school. Do anything. Just don’t spend the rest of your life in a broken house where nothing works and you never see anyone.” The simple fact that this was Rodney compelled John to help him, even though he wasn’t sure how he could do it.

“Again with this? I told you, it’s too late.”

“You still have many years ahead of you, it’s not too late.” And as soon as the words were out of his mouth, John disappeared in a bolt of light.

\---

John woke up lying in a chair. This time, he recovered faster. He figured the jumps happened approximately forty-eight hours apart, and that now he was in a large library. If his theory was correct, he would be able to find the version of Rodney in this universe somewhere close by. He also noticed he had lost his P-90, his side weapon, his vest, and his jacket in the previous reality, and only what was in his person was transported with him. He cursed himself for not keeping all his equipment with him, even though he couldn’t have known that was going to happen at that particular moment. At least now he stood a fairly good chance of walking around without being noticed.

He barely gave two steps outside of the library when he heard Rodney’s voice.

“Dr. Sheppard!” he called from across the corridor, walking fast in his direction.

“Hello, Dr. McKay,” he said nodding, wanting to know a little more before revealing anything.

“Why are you dressed like this? Where are your glasses? Don’t you have class soon? Not that I know when your classes are,” Rodney finished flustered.

If this Rodney knew a John, he would have to tell at least part of the truth, and now that he knew that he wasn’t staying long in each reality, he had more freedom to act. “That’s a long story, actually, but I have some time. Can we go to your office?”

“My–? You want to–? My office? With me? I mean, sure, I finished my classes for the day.”

As they walked, John wondered what was going on between the John and Rodney of this reality. At the very least, this Rodney had a serious crush on his John. John tried not to think about what this meant, especially considering what happened in the previous one.

“Right, I have to tell you something,” John said, as soon as Rodney closed the door per his instruction. “This may sound weird and maybe you’ll have some trouble believing me, but I need you to know that I’m not joking,” he paused, allowing Rodney to process that.

Rodney grabbed him by the hair and kissed him. For a moment, John forgot what he was supposed to say, and kissed him back. It was hard not to reciprocate when someone who looked like Rodney kissed him so passionately.

“You don’t have to say anything, I feel the same way.”

That was when John realized he had screwed up. “Look, McKay, I’m sorry but–”

Rodney stepped back until he hit his desk. “Oh my God, I misread things, didn’t I? I should have known better. Please, just leave me alone with my humiliation.”

Well, this was awkward. “No, please, Rodney,” he said, holding Rodney’s arm as he tried to leave his office. “I’m attracted to you, you didn’t misread that, but this is not what I wanted to talk about.” He was surprised to notice how easy it was to say this, maybe because they had just kissed, or maybe because he’d admitted his attraction before.

“Then why? We don’t exactly talk often, I don’t think I ever even heard you call me Rodney.”

“I’m not the John Sheppard you know. I came from an alternate reality, and I have no idea how to get back to it. The Rodney McKay I know likes to call himself the smartest man in two galaxies, so maybe you can help me.”

Rodney stared at him for a moment. “You–? But for that… To even… Although of course… But then again… It’s not outside of the… Except maybe…”

“McKay, full sentences, please.”

“I’m sorry, but someone who looks just like the hot new professor from the mathematics department just told me that something that until now I believed to be only theoretical is very much real and happening right now. Wait, did anything happen to the John Sheppard in this reality now that you are here?”

John hadn’t thought about that. “I don’t know, I only traveled to one reality before this one, and there I found no trace of a John Sheppard. But once another McKay visited my reality and nothing happened to him.”

“Fine, suppose what you are saying is true. How can I help?”

\---

The next jump taught John a couple things. Every forty-eight hours he changed realities, carrying with him whatever he was touching, which included a flash drive with all that Rodney could find about alternate universes, not that it would be of much help, considering he had just learnt they existed. It also made him terribly tired, more than he should feel with the sleep he had.

At least this time he didn’t pass out, which was good, considering he appeared somewhere in Washington. He barely had time to catch on to his surroundings when Rodney jumped him out of nowhere, placing his arms around his neck and kissing him. John made a mental note to try kissing his own Rodney again, this time with less alcohol involved, because evidence seemed to show that he made quite the success among different versions of Rodney.

“How did you escape the Wraith ship? What are you doing here? When did you get back?” Rodney asked in a rapid succession.

Finally, a Rodney that knew about the Wraith, and most likely Atlantis. “I’m not who you think I am, I came from another reality and I need your help to get back to my version of Atlantis. Do you have access to it? There was a planet, I have the gate address, with a device that allowed for this transportation.”

“So you are not my John?” Rodney’s eyes watered, but he held back his tears, and shook his head. “Come with me, I know a nice café where we can talk.”

“Lead the way.”

As soon as they were seated, Rodney took a big breath. “I’m sorry. My husband has been MIA for six months, ever since the last battle with the Wraith.”

“Husband?”

“I take it you aren’t married to the Rodney of your reality?”

“No, there are policies preventing that. Although I can’t say I wouldn’t like to have a relationship with him.”

“Wait, are you still with the US Air Force? Are you still American?”

“What else would I be?” John asked confused.

“I’ve been with John for over seven years now, since long before we went to Atlantis, although at first it had to be a secret of course. I can’t imagine how different your lives must have been. My John was going to be taken from command when we opened the military services to other nations on the fourth year of the expedition, and because of some strange rules about demotions, that meant he had to be ‘promoted’ to a position on Earth. I couldn’t let this happen, so I devised a plan with the help of Woolsey. I didn’t like the guy, especially since he took Elizabeth’s place, but he decided to help us. We got married, John became a Canadian citizen and took command of military operations in Atlantis as our first Canadian military officer.”

“That’s… different. Although I have to say I’m more interested in your ‘last battle with the Wraith’. What did you mean by that? Who won?” The fact that Rodney was on Earth didn’t seem like a good sign.

Rodney’s face filled with sorrow. “We defeated the Wraith, but at a high cost. My stupid husband flew a suicide mission, and managed to force their last ten hive ships to attack one another. In the end, the survivors were so weak we easily destroyed them all, but there was no sign of John.”

“So what are you doing on Earth?”

“I had a meeting with the president, about the declassification of the Stargate Program. But if you can wait, I can take you to Atlantis later.”

“I actually only have forty-eight hours here, so I can’t wait that long.”

“Let me make a few calls, see what I can do.”

\---

He had to be cleared by a medical team at the SGC, as it was to be expected. After his identity was confirmed, as was the fact that he came from another reality, his request for supplies was partially granted. Fresh clothes, as well as a bag with two change of clothes, some MREs, power bars: yes. Guns and ammo: no. Which he expected, but it didn’t hurt to ask.

Rodney arrived when he was getting dressed, and stopped when he saw John’s chest, frowning slightly.

“Is there something wrong?” John asked.

“No, it’s just... Different lives, I guess it makes sense, but four years looking at something makes you used to it, and seeing you like this, makes me think of a time before Kolya.”

“I know Kolya, what did he do to your John?”

“I assume a storm hit your Atlantis too? In the first year of the expedition?”

John nodded. “We had a plan to use the lightning to power the shield. Kolya came with a strike force, killed two of my men, took Elizabeth and Rodney, nearly killed them too. I put a bullet in him, but the cockroach survived.”

“Here he took John first. Tortured him, and he wouldn’t break, but then Kolya found Elizabeth, and John told him the plan before he could touch her. At least he gave me enough time to activate the shield. I guessed his password on my first try.” Rodney smiled, but it quickly faded. “It was the first time I killed anyone, most of Kolya’s men were in the corridors, so that gave John the advantage he needed to defeat the rest of the strike team. Kolya escaped, everyone else in his team was killed. John avoided me for weeks after, I thought it was because of what I did, turns out he didn’t want me to see the scars Kolya gave him. We got past it, as we did with everything else.” He cleared his throat. “I assume Kolya didn’t have as much trouble getting the information in your reality. I mean, I know I wasn’t the bravest person in the expedition during the first couple of years.”

John thought he knew what Rodney was really asking, and remembered the talk he had with his Rodney after the incident, how worried he was about having been broken. “Rodney gave me the intel I needed to take some of Kolya’s men. He refused to tell Kolya his plan, so one of his men cut him, and they picked the wound until he talked.”

“That was easy.”

“He wasn’t trained to resist torture. He did what he could, he helped me, kept himself and Elizabeth alive and mostly unharmed, and actually tricked Kolya into leaving Atlantis. That surprised me, he’s a terrible liar. And yes, he almost turned on the shield while Beckett and Teyla were still in the corridors, but he didn’t question me when I told him to give them as much time as possible. Everything worked out in the end, and no one from our side got hurt because Rodney talked.”

Rodney laughed, with just a touch of sadness. “Thank you. You aren’t even my John and you know what I’m thinking. You must care a lot about your Rodney.”

“I used to think I cared more than I should, but you are actually the third Rodney to kiss me since this started, so I’m beginning to think my initial assumptions may have been wrong.”

“You should tell him that, when you go back. Believe me when I tell you, you two already lost too much time.”

“He just broke up with Keller, Dr. Jennifer Keller, our chief medical officer. It doesn’t seem like the right time.”

Rodney frowned. “What happened to Carson?”

“He died saving a patient, exploding tumors, then we found out Michael cloned him. His clone works with us, but he prefers off-world missions. Rodney is still trying to convince him to stay in Atlantis permanently.”

Rodney looked like he might ask follow up questions, but then he shook his head. “Well, if he isn’t seeing anyone, then you should tell him. But that’s not what I came here to talk to you about.” He took out a pen from his pocket. “We have ZPMs, actually, we have a ZPM factory. We only found it after the war was over, but I’m thinking it could be useful to you, and any other Atlantis expeditions you may find before you find your way home. It wasn’t operational when we first found it, the Wraith attacked it during the war against the Ancients, they probably thought it was beyond repair or at least not worth salvaging at that point in the war, but we were able to start production three months ago. We have been producing one a day since that day.” He thought about it for a moment, then wrote down a gate address low on John’s stomach.

John smiled. “You could have given me a piece of paper, you know?”

“Oh, wait, you don’t have this tech? You can take the pen if you want, I’m sure your Rodney can reverse engineer it. The ink is inside these microspheres that are absorbed by the skin when broken. It will work like a tattoo until exposed directly to UV light, then it will disappear without a trace in a matter of minutes. Since you told me you lost some equipment by not carrying it when you were transported, I figured this was the safest way to make sure you wouldn’t lose it.”

“Thank you. Maybe my Rodney can forgive me for activating the machine and getting myself into this mess if it means getting him ZPMs.”

“I also have something else to talk to you about, but I would rather do it in private if you don’t mind. The camera in my room can be disabled.”

John hesitated. “What do you have in mind?”

“Oh, please. I’m married, I’m not hitting on you. And I’m sorry about kissing you, although I’m sure my John will find that funny when I tell him. Believe me, I’m not in the habit of cheating on my husband.”

“You still have hopes of finding him after all this time?”

“We don’t leave our people behind, he taught me that. Now, can you please come with me? I’ll explain everything once we’re there.”

\---

John couldn’t believe what Rodney was asking him. Sure, it wasn’t the first time they stole a ship, but doing so to save Atlantis was very different than to rescue a single man, and that puddlejumper felt like pretty much theirs while one of the new intergalactic ships tasted more like treason.

“Look, John, you can help me or not, but I’m going to do this either way. If you don’t want to help me, I’ll take you to Atlantis right now and do my best to help you, but I think we both know that my chances of taking that ship alone aren’t good. I know I’m asking you to sacrifice your chance of potentially finding a way back, but it’s been six months and they gave up searching for him. There are over two hundred habitable worlds within dart distance of the path of the battle. He could have gotten out and escaped at any moment, but he wasn’t found in any of the worlds with gates. They denied my request to take a ship to search the area, but using one powered by a ZPM, I could check all of them in less than year if I had to operate the controls alone.”

“Is it even possible to fly a ship like that with only one person?”

“Radek helped me to write some code that should make it possible, although with limited functionality. Basically, if I’m attacked out there, I’m screwed; if anything goes wrong, I’m screwed; if I oversleep or forget to start any procedure, I’m screwed. I know my odds and it’s a risk I’m willing to take.”

“You’ll get yourself killed, and even if you don’t, you’ll be arrested for treason the moment you step foot on Earth or Atlantis. I’m sure that’s not what your John would have wanted.”

“He’s my husband. He saved my life a million times, and if the situation was reversed, I’m sure he would do the same thing for me. As I said, you don’t have to help me, but you won’t convince me to change my mind either.”

John sighed. He knew how Rodney was when he made up his mind, and if he were to be honest with himself, he would commit treason to save his Rodney even though they weren’t together, so he knew he couldn’t stop him, but he could give him a chance of having a life after this. “Did you tell anyone here about the forty-eight hours window?”

That caught Rodney by surprise. “No, I haven’t got a chance yet. I would if they delayed our permission to go to Atlantis.”

“All right, then this is what we’ll do. We’ll take the ship without killing anyone, if we get caught, our story is that I forced you to help me steal it and you don’t know why, but you’ll tell them that I had a flash drive with the program to fly it. If we don’t and you take the ship, but can’t find your husband, you’ll turn on communications, get rescued, and say the same thing, except you’ll tell them that I forced you to keep helping me and that I took you to a bunch of planets to steal Ancient tech on them and that I took it all back with me. If you can find him, you’ll tell them almost the same story, but that I lied about why I came here, that I actually came to make sure John stays alive here because that will have repercussions on the timeline. If they catch me I’ll confess, if they don’t, I’ll record two confessions to support both versions of the story.”

Rodney just looked at him, paralyzed for a moment, and then hugged him. “Thank you, thank you so much. I’ll never forget this.”

“Don’t thank me yet, we still need to save your John.”

“He’s alive, I know he is. If anyone can survive that, it’s my John. I’m just sorry you won’t get to know how this ended.”

“I just hope you are right.”

“Oh, and I’m glad I didn’t need to use this to convince you, but the ship we’re targeting is stocked with five ZPMs. It only uses one at a time, and I need one as a backup, but you can take the other three, since it will take you a while to begin production, and all the guns you can carry with you. You never know what you’ll find in the next reality you are thrown in.”

John couldn’t contain his excitement. “Three ZPMs plus the address for a factory? If I go back home with this, Rodney will fall for me regardless of what he feels now,” he joked.

Rodney laughed. “You know, I would be offended, but I remember how things were before finding that factory. So do me a favor, tell him how you feel before you tell him about the ZPMs, this way you’ll never have to wonder if his feelings are genuine or a transference.”

John didn’t know what to say to that. “So, tell me more about this ship we are stealing.”

“Oh, you are going to love this: it’s the Sheppard. Part of our tradition of naming ships after fallen high-ranking officers of the SGC. It shows that they gave up on him, so it seems fitting that I use it to rescue him.”

“So it’s a big fuck you to the SGC for refusing to help you?”

“Something along those lines. Now, let me show you the personal we’ll need to overpower when we get on board.”

\---

John cursed himself for giving up his most valuable piece of information before getting Rod to actually do something for him. He should have trust his first instincts that Rod was hiding something, but his excitement over finally finding someone he knew was more powerful.

He played back the events in his head, trying to find the point in which things went wrong. Finding himself in Atlantis, but knowing it was the wrong one by the tune of the humming in his head. Meeting Rod and an incredibly arrogant Sheppard, and asking their help to get home. They agreed to help, but before the mission started, John told them about the ZPM factory. They were getting ready to leave when Sheppard shot him in the back, and he had the distinct impression that Rod said he was sorry. Now he was in a cell, didn’t know how long he still had in this reality, and lost the three ZPMs as well as his guns. John never thought he would drop his guard like this, and he didn’t know if it was the familiar faces, or the fact that he knew Rod, or even how exhausted he was starting to feel after each jump, but he needed to be more careful in the future.

\---

Rodney number five, because John was beginning to number them to keep things clearer in his head, was a criminal. The middleman for mercenary contractors, actually, and probably a successful one if his apparent fortune was any indication. Also, a huge jerk and a heavy drug user, as John discovered after just one brief meeting with him. Basically, he would be no help to John’s efforts to return home, so John didn’t tell him anything about that.

John concentrated instead on intel gathering, since it was the careful thing to do, and not being careful was what caused him so much trouble in the previous reality. From what he could tell, everything in this Rodney’s life was going great, until he started working on Area 51, where something went wrong and he had to run away, using the connections he made by selling state secrets to keep himself safe. When he ran out of secrets to sell, he made himself a comfortable business connecting mercenaries with people in need of their services, occasionally working as one himself when the job required someone of great technical expertise.

The Sheppard of that universe was one of his new contract killers, that’s how John managed to learn so much, and during the entire time he was there, John feared he would come back and then John would be killed, especially since he accepted the down payment for Sheppard’s next job, as well as some much-needed equipment.

Still, from what John learnt of the positions taken by the US Government in this reality, John couldn’t really blame either of them for being traitors. He both wanted to learn more, and couldn’t wait for the moment he would be free of that place.

\---

Rodney number six was also a jerk, but of a different kind. He reminded John of what Rodney told him of Malcolm Tunney: richer than anyone needed to be and glad to rub it on people’s faces, only in the science for the money, and caring more about the bottom-line of his company than he did about actually advancing science. John was sure that if his Rodney met this one, he would punch him. Since his Rodney wasn’t there with him, John had to compensate by messing with this guy.

“You really need to upgrade your security,” John said in the dark, sitting with his feet over Rodney’s desk.

“What the–” Rodney nearly jumped, and rushed to turn on the lights. “It’s you again! What the fuck are you doing here? How did you get past security again?”

John smiled; this was almost too easy. “Come on, I told you the last two times, you should spend more money on security and less on paintings. So, where did you go wrong and how can I help you get your life back on track?”

“Why do you keep asking me this? Who the hell are you? You have five seconds to tell me before I call security.”

“I already told you who I am, and actually, they are all asleep. A little something I got from my last trip. They’ll be out for a while, but we already wasted more than a day on this game so I don’t have much time left. Tell me how you screwed up your life and I’ll tell you how you managed not to do that in alternate realities.”

The fact that he couldn’t do anything for the previous Rodney had affected him, so he wanted to see if he could do anything for this one. As soon as John realized he was pretty much harmless, he had no problem telling him he came from another reality. It wasn’t as if he could do anything about that, since he didn’t seem to have worked for the SGC or at Area 51 or anywhere else that had the tech necessary for dealing with alternate realities.

“You are out of your mind. I’ll call the police,” Rodney said looking for his phone.

“Are you in talking terms with Jeannie? You have three different pictures of your cat around this office but none of your sister or your niece, so I’m assuming not.”

Rodney stopped. “How do you know about my sister?”

John shrugged. “I told you, I’m trapped jumping around alternate realities, and you are the seventh Rodney I’ve met counting the one from my own universe. My Rodney was kind of a jerk when I first met him, but not nearly as much as you are. He had a fight with his Jeannie when she got pregnant with Madison, didn’t talk to her for four years, and he regretted that.”

“Madison,” he stopped, pondering the name, “her name is Madison? Jeannie had a girl then?”

John grinned, jackpot. “Well, I’m assuming. Different realities, remember?”

“We didn’t fight because she got pregnant. I mean, yes, we did, but this wasn’t all. She judged my decision to go to the private sector, I judged her decision to stop research to be a mother, harsh words were said on both sides. I haven’t seen or heard of her since.”

“I have to say it, I’ve known my Rodney for over five years, and I think your sister is right. You could do better than a fancy office with your name on the building. My Rodney is on track to win a Nobel, or several, as soon as declassification for our program starts, which should happen in the next few years.”

“Why am I even listening to you? You are probably a crazy stalker, I should call the police.”

“Sure, if you want to, but call your sister too. Say you’re sorry, ask how she’s doing, if she’s happy.”

“You are out of your mind.”

John got up. There was no point in staying the whole night there. “Maybe. I think humans weren’t made to jump realities so frequently, I’m not feeling so well. Doesn’t change the fact that you should talk to Jeannie. She’s the only family you have, don’t lose her over some stupid fight.”

With this, he left, giving Rodney time to think about what he said. As much as it pained him to admit that, John knew he needed to use the rest of his time there to sleep, or he would be too exhausted to function when the next jump occurred. He didn’t want to think about what was going to happen if he kept going like this, but he was sure his body wouldn’t last much longer.

\---

John was glad that he managed to get some money from Rodney number five, because it gave him the opportunity to rent a suit. He overheard Rodney number seven talking about this party, and figured that it would be easier to talk to him in the middle of a party that he could charm his way into than managing to bypass his security team. Whomever this Rodney was, he must either be very important or have an even more absurd amount of money than the previous one. John prepared his best charming smile and got ready to learn everything he could about this Rodney.

“Hello, I’m–” he started, offering his hand.

“John? What are you doing here?”

Only then John realized the massive flaw in his plan: that he didn’t account for this Rodney actually knowing the Sheppard of his universe. “Right, if this is how it’s going to be, I think we need to have a somewhat long conversation, and it needs to be private.”

“Oh you have some nerve!” Rodney said irritated. “What makes you think that I even want to talk to you after the way you treated me? We lost everything overnight and you just left! You just left me all alone after we lost our home, our friends! And you know what the worst part is? While everything was happening, when we had to sink the city and evacuate, all I kept think was that at least I still had you with me. What a fool I was!” He was yelling, and dangerously close to forgetting what information was classified.

John couldn’t blame him for his anger, not when John himself thought that that Sheppard sounded like a jerk without even knowing anything else about the situation.

“Look, Rodney, I’m so sorry about all of this, and all I ask you is two minutes in private to tell you why I’m here. If you don’t like what I have to say, you can have me arrested for all I care, but if I can get your attention, I’ll need more time to properly explain the situation.”

Rodney was still furious, but John knew how to play his curiosity. “Fine. Two minutes, that’s all you’ll get. And you should count yourself lucky since that’s more than you gave me when you decided to leave.”

John made a mental note to punch this Sheppard if possible for doing this to Rodney.

\---

It took John about five minutes to get Rodney from furious to disbelieving to finally fascinated. Rodney’s attitude towards him improved considerably once he realized he was dealing with someone who traveled through alternate universes and not his ex-boyfriend, even more so when he realized this John could help him get Atlantis back.

“So you are telling me there’s actually a ZPM factory out there?”

“Nonfunctioning,” John warned for the third time. “But the Rodney who gave me the address told me he managed to fix it, so you can too, even though doing that without the support of Atlantis will be harder.”

Rodney thought about it for a moment. “I think I can get five ships for the test, and all the scientists I could ask for. Atlantis can resist underwater for another two years or so, if you consider we need enough time with the city partially activated to replace the ZPM. It’s not only doable, it’s more than enough time.”

John smiled, shaking his head, it was just like Rodney to think only about the science and forget the most practical details. “What about the Wraith coming to see why there are five Earth ships on a planet they think they destroyed?”

“Fine, you got a point, my plan needs working, but it’s hope! Actual hope of recovering Atlantis after all this time. You have no idea what doing research only on Earth is doing to me, I need this.”

And John wasn’t about to take away his hope. “Will you contact your Sheppard?”

“Why?” Rodney snarled. “It’s not as if he’s a reliable person.”

“Look, I won’t pretend to know what happened between the two of you. But I know how I feel about Atlantis, and about my own Rodney, and if I had to guess, I would say he didn’t know how to deal with the loss, and didn’t want to have anything to care about that he could lose.”

“Well, I know how I felt when we lost Atlantis, and I needed him here. He was the one constant I thought I would have in my life, and he left me with just a note.”

John wasn’t sure how he could defend his alternate self, even though he could imagine a few things that could make him leave someone like that, especially someone he loved. He had a tendency to shut out the people that he cared about the most, especially after a trauma he didn’t know how to deal with.

John sighed. “I can’t tell you what he was thinking or why he acted like this, I’m not him, and I’m not saying you should forgive him, but I know that sometimes it seem better to push people away than to risk hurting them, especially when we think we are too damaged to cause anything other than harm.”

John surprised himself with that, even though he already noticed how much easier it was to talk to an alternate Rodney than it was to talk to his own, and he could see he had caught Rodney by surprise too.

“My John would never say this much, not even if his life depended on it.”

John smiled sadly. “I can’t say I would, under normal circumstances, but a lot happened in these past few days.”

“I’m really sorry I can’t help you go to that planet in time. I would have liked to help you get back home.”

John shrugged. “My guess is eventually I’ll find a Rodney in Atlantis, and I’m hoping when that happens the forty-eight hours will be enough for him to find a way to get me back home.”

“You seem very calm about it.”

“Not the worst thing that ever happened as a consequence of Ancient gizmos. I’m not saying I won’t start panicking if this keeps happening for much longer, but right now I don’t see a reason to worry too much.” John preferred not to tell him about his worries, no reason to cause Rodney to worry about him when there wasn’t anything he could do to help.

“Now, the whole reality shift is interesting, but what else can you tell me about the ZPM factory? How long did the other Rodney need to fix it?”

\---

John concluded it was better to stay away from Rodney number eight as he pressed down at his gunshot wound. Thankfully, the bullet just scraped his leg, and he had less than one hour in this reality.

A part of him couldn’t help but wonder what made this Rodney turn out this way, and if there wasn’t a chance he could fix it, but a bigger part was more concerned with the fact that he had indicated he had all intention to kill John once he found out ‘why he was really there’. After nearly two days trying to get closer to him, John knew him well enough not to doubt that. In fact, he was sure he would be far from being the first person that Rodney killed, and that chilled his spine.

This Rodney was running away, terrified of something or someone, and would do anything to escape whatever he considered a threat. From what John had seen of his scars and fresh wounds, he was used to having to fight, and just by looking in his eyes, John knew he was past the point of caring if he had to kill someone. Unfortunately, he was beyond saving, or at least beyond what John could do in two days. As he felt himself being pulled to another reality, John hoped that the next Rodney would be somewhere near a hospital.

\---

He was in Atlantis, the infirmary, and for a second he felt relief before he realized that the humming was wrong again. Another alternate Atlantis, and again one that expressed confusion over being able to feel her own Sheppard and another. He tried to sit in bed, just to notice that he was restrained. With the corner of his eye he noticed a nurse leaving, probably to warn someone that he was awake.

It didn’t take long for Sheppard to show up, followed by Rodney number nine, who was talking about alternate universes faster than anyone except maybe Zelenka could follow, if the interrupting comments in English but mostly in Czech were any indication.

“McKay, why don’t we pause your theories for a second and give the man a chance of explaining why he was on that planet and why does he look like me?” Sheppard suggested. McKay rolled his eyes, but obeyed, and Sheppard nodded to John.

“What planet? I was unconscious after the last jump, they aren’t easy on the body, even without a gunshot wound. But I can assume you were already there when I showed up, so the only explanation that I have is that I was there because that’s where Rodney was. I’m Lt. Colonel John Sheppard, but from another reality, and I need some help getting back home.”

Sheppard looked suspicious. “Why Rodney?”

“This was caused by a piece of Ancient tech, Rodney was with me when it was activated. It locked on him like a target before sending me to a forest on Earth, which I found out belonged to the Rodney of that reality. Since then, I keep being transported near another Rodney every forty-eight hours. I need help getting back to my own reality, I don’t think I can stand those jumps for much longer, and some realities are a little dangerous.”

“Who shot you?” Rodney intervened. “Carson said it looked like an Earth bullet, not Genii.”

“You did, the other you. Don’t ask me why, all I know is that he was on the run from something. So, will you help me? I have valuable intel to trade, but only if you take a science team to check on that machine.”

“Are you sure this is something you should be negotiating?” Sheppard asked.

John shrugged as best he could, his wound still hurting. “I tried playing it nice and sharing whatever I could to help other universes, but the last time I was in Atlantis, a Sheppard shot me in the back, stole the three ZPMs I was carrying, and locked me up for the remainder of my stay. Sorry if that didn’t improve my trust in alternate versions of myself.”

“Colonel, he’s telling the truth,” Carson interrupted. “At least about what I can verify. He was shot by an Earth weapon, but not military issue, so nothing we would have in this galaxy. He also has what could be an untreated stunner burn, but that’s about one week old, almost healed. Also, I don’t know what’s causing it, but his body is under a lot of stress. I’m working on a coquetel to try to stabilize his body chemistry, but honestly, if he only has forty-eight hours from when you found him, there just isn’t enough time for me to help him.”

“How long have I been here?” John asked.

All eyes turned to Sheppard, as if looking for permission to answer. “A little over twenty hours now, depending on how long you were there before we found you. We were on the planet for fifteen minutes when we found you,” Sheppard answered.

“Then we don’t have much time. I’ll give you the gate address for the planet, and I can draw you a map to the facility too. Just be careful. The blue button sent me jumping around realities, but I think the red button is even more dangerous, just don’t touch anything.”

“We haven’t agreed to help you yet.”

Rodney bumped him with a shoulder. “Don’t be a jerk, John, of course we’ll help. I’ll get a team.”

“I’ll go with you,” Sheppard said.

“No,” Rodney said, placing a hand on his arm. “Other than me, you are the best person to keep him company. Ronon and Teyla can come with me. I’ll make radio contact as soon as I find anything.”

Sheppard turned to Rodney, and they argued silently with little more than their eyes and some facial expressions. John did that with his Rodney too, and it was strange to see how it looked from the outside, like he was intruding in something intimate, especially because he could read this Rodney as well as he could his own.

Finally, Sheppard sighed defeated. “Fine, but take Lorne and his team with you too, and I want radio contact every two hours.”

Rodney rolled his eyes. “I know the drill.” He let his hand slide down Sheppard’s arm, brushing his fingers on Sheppard’s hand before dropping it. Sparing a look to Sheppard, he released John from his restraints.

After the others left, John turned to Sheppard, who was still standing. “So, you and McKay?”

Sheppard turned defensive. “What about us?”

“How long have you been together?”

Sheppard slided on a chair. “That obvious?”

“At least I can see you’re still American. The third reality I visited had a Canadian-by-marriage Sheppard, and I trust I don’t need to tell you who he was married to.”

“Wow, marriage. And changing countries. That’s… that’s really something. I trust they had a good reason to do it?”

“Politics, and years together. Even before Atlantis. In another reality, Rodney was furious when he saw me, bad break up. And you’re not going to believe this, but in another Rodney was a physics professor with more than a little crush on recently transferred math professor Sheppard. I also met a Rodney who was a retired pianist, he didn’t know the Sheppard of his reality, but that didn’t keep him from kissing me.”

Sheppard’s eyebrows shot to his hairline. “Are you serious? And here I was thinking that this relationship was the biggest leap of faith in my life. Almost a year now, Rodney was sick with a brain parasite and couldn’t stop talking about how much he loved me, wouldn’t let me to leave his side, not that I wanted to. After he was cured, I was glad to forget the situation, but he wouldn’t allow me. He didn’t remember much, but kept insisting that we needed to talk, and you know how insistent he is when he wants to be,” Sheppard said, smiling fondly at the memory.

John nodded. “He was sick in my reality too, but back then he was dating Dr. Keller. He told her he loved her, but eventually he was so sick that he forgot her. But he never forgot me, kept calling my name at all times. Keller wasn’t happy about it, when they broke up she told him that that was when she knew they weren’t going to work together, but she still kept trying.”

“Our Keller wouldn’t give Rodney the time of the day. I guess that her loss is my gain. I take it that in your reality you aren’t–”

“No. I never told him, tried to convince myself there was no way he could feel the same. What I’ve seen recently made me change my mind though. As one Rodney told me, I’ve wasted enough time as it is. I’ll talk to him when I get back. If I get back.”

“We’ll get you back. You know Rodney, there isn’t a problem he can’t solve.”

“But a day may not be enough.”

“He thrives under pressure.”

John laughed. “That’s true. I can take with me anything that I’m carrying when I’m transported, so if he can’t solve it in time, he should save whatever he discovers in a flash drive and give it to me, so I can save the next Rodney some time. I used to have one with research on alternate realities, but it was one of the things that I lost.”

“I’ll tell him that, even though I’m sure he’ll be offended by your lack of faith in him.”

“Rodney isn’t always the best at admitting he can’t do something, or that he can’t finish a task in time.”

“Or knowing when to stop working, I have to come collect him every night if I don’t want to sleep alone.”

“We have dinner together almost every night, this keeps all-nighters powered by coffee and power bars to a minimum. You’ll have to keep your Rodney in check over the next few months, or else he’ll risk an addiction to those stimulants he forces Beckett to give him.”

Sheppard raised an eyebrow. “What you have is that good?”

John thought about it for a moment, then decided to trust this Sheppard. After all, they had saved his life. “A non-functioning ZPM factory. The Rodney who gave me the address said he needed three months to fix it, and now they can produce one a day.”

“A ZPM factory? You did well in not telling Rodney this while you still need his help, he wouldn’t mean to do it, but he would have trouble focusing on anything else. I’ll keep this from him for now.”

“Give me back that board, I’ll write you the address.”

\---

Rodney walked in already in the middle of his explanation of how brilliant he was for figuring out how the device worked.

Sheppard smiled involuntary. “Rodney?”

“Oh, right. How much of that did you catch?”

“Starting with green button.”

“I may have started explaining as soon as I left the lab then. We should go, we don’t have much time, the facility isn’t close to the gate.”

John was relieved, until he realized he was already feeling the familiar pull. “There isn’t enough time.”

“What? Of course there is! I figured it out, it’s really simple, all I need is to launch this program and–”

“McKay, I have less than five minutes here, I’m already being pulled to the next reality.”

“Shit.” Rodney took a flash drive and began transferring the program from his tablet computer. “Listen, tell the next Rodney that all he needs to do is connect a computer to the console, and launch this program. When the blue button turns green, you have to press it. But there’s a catch: it may not work. There’s a foreign element that I couldn’t identify that is needed for the command to be accepted, but I don’t know what it is yet, I haven’t had enough time. Oh, and I need to be with you. Or rather, a Rodney needs to be there.”

Sheppard gave John the bag of supplies they had prepared for him, placing there the flash drive that Rodney gave him. “The drugs that Beckett gave you should help you keep your strength for a few days, but not very long. You have to go to an Atlantis soon.”

“I know. I can tell that I won’t last much longer like this.”

“Good luck,” Sheppard said.

\---

John was lucky enough that the security of Area 51 was mostly concentrated on keeping people out, and once he was in, it was relatively easy to sneak around as long as he watched the camera angles and didn’t try to enter any locked rooms. The extra uniform that he found in the locker also helped, allowing him to get himself caught on camera in an inconspicuous way, as long as he hid his face. He would be sure to suggest some security upgrades once he returned to his own reality.

Rodney number ten seemed to be a workaholic, which wasn’t a great surprise. So far, John had only been able to watch him from afar, but he hadn’t left his workstation for more than a few minutes at a time during all the time that John was there, and it was clear that whatever he was working on was posing a challenge.

From what he could gather, this Earth had a Stargate Program and at least a dozen interstellar ships, but those were only the ones he could find data lying around. He couldn’t find anything about Atlantis, and barely saw anything that he could recognize as Ancient tech, all of which was the kind of thing that could be found in the Milky Way.

He had little time left in the third day when he cornered Rodney in his office. John figured it would be safer to do it when he wouldn’t need to run and hide for long if something went wrong.

Rodney was so concentrated on his work that he didn’t even notice when John entered his lab, locking the door. Seeing Rodney with facial hair was strange enough, and combined with the glasses, that transformed his appearance considerably. John tried to reconcile this Rodney with the young and eager scientist that went to work in Area 51.

“Rodney McKay?” John called.

“If the General wants to see me, tell him to shove it. I’m working as fast as I can,” he said without turning.

“Actually, I’m here to talk to you. Lieutenant Colonel John Sheppard.” He offered his hand to Rodney, who ignored him.

“If you want me to make you a gun, I can’t, I’m busy.”

“Have you ever traveled through the stargate?”

That seemed to catch Rodney’s attention. “Why would I? It wouldn’t contribute to any data.”

“If you are here, then I assume that means Atlantis wasn’t discovered in this reality?”

“What are you talking about?”

“The lost city of the Ancients? A spaceship the size of a city, currently on the Pegasus galaxy, full of cool Ancient tech, powered by ZPMs? Does any of this ring any bells?”

“Wait, you said ‘this reality’.”

John rolled his eyes. “Slow to catch on. Yes, I did. I’m from another reality, one where the Rodney McKay I know is the chief science officer of Atlantis, the foremost specialist in Ancient tech in two galaxies, and also the science officer of AR-1, under my command.”

“You are out of your mind! Who are you and how did you get here?”

“I was transported by an Ancient device in a planet we were exploring. The previous Rodney tried to help me get back to my own reality, but from what I can see, your Earth doesn’t possess the technology to get me to Pegasus in time.”

Rodney squinted his eyes. “Say I believe you. Why are you telling me this?”

“Because you have interstellar ships but haven’t found Atlantis! You are wasting your potential. Look, there’s an entire galaxy out there suffering under the oppression of the Wraith, but my guess is in this reality the Wraith haven’t woken yet. If you go there with your ships, repair the ZPM factory, and retake Atlantis, you can destroy them all before they wake up. I’m talking about saving millions of lives and freeing an entire galaxy from being enslaved for food. Oh, but watch out for the Pegasus’ Replicators, and be careful with the Genii. I can give you all the relevant gate addresses.”

“That’s it, you are completely out of it. There’s no way all of that is real.”

“Tell me one thing. Does SG-1 exist in this reality? Were they ever visited by people from other realities? I remember reading about a quantum mirror, and I think there was also an incident with the gate once.”

“Even if what you are saying is true, you are talking about completely changing the path of space exploration in this reality. Can you do that?”

“This isn’t a sci-fi novel, I can do whatever I want. The way I see it, if I can help save those people, even though they aren’t from my own reality, it’s my duty to do so.”

Rodney squinted his eyes, processing all this information. “Fine, then I’ll call the General, you can give him the information.”

“No can do. I don’t have long in this reality before I’m taken to the next. So, how do you feel about being the one to revolutionize the Stargate Program?”

\---

There was something severely wrong about seeing Rodney in a boat, especially seeing him be at home in one. Rodney number eleven wasn’t afraid of the water, and when John asked him about whales, he laughed and said they were harmless. He was a tourist guide working at a paradisiac archipelago, and he commented he was legally forbidden from interacting with computers. Further questions about that were unceremoniously ignored, leaving John curious about what Rodney could have done to receive this punishment, and wondering if he was also forbidden from working in sciences. His Rodney had once built a bomb while in school, maybe this one had gone further.

Other than avoiding personal questions, this Rodney was almost a pleasant company, although he was too cheery for John’s taste. He was all smiles and niceties, which made John think he was hiding something. When the forty-eight hours were over, he was glad to be rid of this Rodney.

\---

“You know, we always did wonder about how that happened,” John told Rodney number twelve, after learning about the signal sent from this Earth, which caused the Wraith attack on Earth in his own reality.

“Sorry about that,” commented the other Sheppard, who was pretending to absent-mindedly play with a pen while listening to their conversation.

Rodney lifted an eyebrow at him, but didn’t address him in any other way. “As I was saying, I’m no stranger to alternate realities. I’ve looked over your data, and I think I can use it to determinate which external factor is missing. In the meantime, I trust that this reality’s Sheppard will be an adequate company. I’m sure that the two of you will find a lot to discuss.”

“You don’t have to make excuses, I understand that you need to place someone to keep an eye on me. As long as you don’t shoot me, steal from me, and then place me in a jail cell, I promise to hold no grudges.”

Sheppard snorted. “I like him.”

Rodney rolled his eyes. “You would. But now I have to go, if you really have this little time, I’ll have to start working immediately if I am to give you any results before the next jump. I’ll leave you two to talk.”

“So, a cop huh?” John asked as soon as Rodney was out the door.

\---

John rubbed his eyes, sighing. “Are you sure about this?”

“I’m afraid so, if the data on the drive is correct. Unless the device is activated at the exact same time in both the original reality and the one where you currently are, it won’t be effective. It has a strange targeting system, which is probably why the Rodney McKay of your reality wasn’t able to retrieve you.”

“And there’s no way to communicate with my reality?”

“Unfortunately no, but I’m sure they were able to understand the functioning of the device.”

John shook his head. “That’s not what I’m worried about. This is the twelfth reality I’ve visited, forty-eight hours in each one.”

“He won’t have given up on you.”

“It’s been three and a half weeks, Atlantis needs Rodney, he wouldn’t be able to waste this much time on one person.”

Rodney leaned forward. “Remember when I said you were the third Sheppard I met? The first one was my husband, and the only reason I gave up on returning to my own reality is because he died before I got trapped here. Now, I know that I don’t know your McKay, but if living here has taught me anything, is that there’s very little variance between the core values of the alternates of any given individual. He will be trying to return you home, as long as there’s even the faintest hope, he’ll do everything, possible or impossible, to rescue you.”

John smiled sadly. “I just hope you are right.”

\---

John felt chills hearing Rodney number thirteen play. He had no word to describe it other than brilliant, even though it was different from any classical musicians he had ever heard. This Rodney approached music in much the same way as his approached science, as a fascinating challenge full of opportunities to show off his superiority. John could hear in the notes how obnoxious Rodney was, but that didn’t make the music any less mesmerizing, the same way that his Rodney couldn’t make his brilliant breakthroughs any less beautiful by bragging about them.

Perhaps some of his fascination was evident in his eyes, or perhaps Rodney himself was intrigued by the man who managed to make his way to backstage without tipping off security, but John found himself unexpectedly invited to Rodney’s apartment, and all of the sudden, all of his plans disappeared.

“Can I offer you anything? Whiskey, vodka, something stronger?” Rodney offered, opening a cabinet.

“Uh, whiskey is fine. Neat,” he answered, more to buy himself time than anything else. He wanted to find a way of escaping this situation that didn’t involve convincing this Rodney that he was delusional by telling him the truth.

“So, first time seeing my performance? I think I would have recognized the hair.” Rodney sat down next to him, offering him his drink.

John wanted to point out that Rodney’s wasn’t much better, but would require telling him exactly why he found the longish hair so strange on Rodney. “Yes, I just arrived in town, but I’ve heard great things about you, I couldn’t miss the opportunity.”

“I’m glad you didn’t. Classical music tends to attract an older crowd, my usual fans aren’t nearly as appealing as you,” he said, placing a hand high on John’s thigh.

John cleared his throat. “My mother was actually a big fan of classical music, she used to take me with her since my father was often working.”

Rodney placed a finger over John’s lips. “Oh no, let’s not bring parents into this.”

With Rodney this close, John could finally pinpoint what had struck him as odd: the dilated pupils and the reddened underside of his nose. He was going to say something, when Rodney kissed him, almost making him drop his glass when he moved to remove John’s shirt. John should be finding a way to escape the situation, but it was easy to get caught up in the moment. Before he realized, both of them had lost their shirts, and Rodney was tracing the address on his stomach.

“What’s this?”

John closed his eyes for a moment, trying to concentrate on an answer. “An old tattoo. Don’t even try to ask me what it means, I was drunk when I got it. College.”

Rodney raised an eyebrow. “Really? You don’t seem like the type to get an impulsive tattoo.”

“As opposed to the type that gets picked up by brilliant pianists?”

“Touché. But that’s enough talk.”

“Wait, it’s is my one chance of talk to the wonderful Meredith McKay. I would really love to hear more about you.”

Rodney seemed suspicious, but somewhat amused. “So you are actually interested? And here I was thinking that you were just smooth talking me.”

John flashed him his most charming smile. “I would never do such thing. As I said, I heard great things about you, and I want to know more about your method.”

“Fine, you want to talk, sure, we can talk. Unless you are a cop, of course.”

“Why would a cop be after you?”

“They have a certain opposition to my creative method, not that I’m admitting to anything.”

John assumed he was talking about the drugs. “And they come to bother someone as brilliant as yourself?”

“I know, right? That’s the way this country decides to treat its artists, it’s no wonder classical music is suffering such a terrible decay.”

\---

John left Rodney’s apartment with a pain to the jaw and holding his clothes. In retrospect, implying Rodney was a drug addict and trying to convince him to get treatment may not have been the smartest course of action, although it did achieve the goal of eliminating the temptation of getting laid. He only had until the next afternoon before the next jump, and decided it was better to keep his distance. He had already blown every chance he had of ever talking to this Rodney again.

\---

Rodney number fourteen was basically Steven Jobs. It was strange seeing him as such a showman, but there was no other way to describe him. It was during a presentation at a tech conference when John first saw him, dazzling the world with technology that John was almost positive hadn’t been invented in his own reality, proving that Rodney could revolutionize whichever area he decided to work with.

It was easy to get Rodney to listen to him. John played on the bet that his own family would be as wealthy in this reality as they were in his own, and the Sheppard name was known enough to get him a dinner with the founder of McKay Tech.

This Rodney was a perfect mix of brilliant and charming, and just a touch too arrogant. However, while his Rodney’s desperate calls for attention and recognition were based on deeply seeded insecurity, this Rodney thought of himself as a gift to humanity, and just wanted to make sure everyone remembered that. John wasn’t sure what to make of him.

John did manage to acquire some quite interesting new prototypes he was sure his Rodney would like. It was nowhere near as cool as the Ancient tech he got to deal with every day, but they could still make his life easier, and Rodney would love to be able to take credit for them as soon as he was able to reverse engineer them.

John was thinking that nothing much would come from this reality when he passed out soon after dinner. By the time he woke up, he was in another reality.

\---

“John? John! Carson, come here! He’s waking up!”

John made a face, struggling to open his eyes. He recognized Rodney’s voice, and Atlantis’ infirmary, but again he could tell this wasn’t his Atlantis. What scared him the most was that he still had one day and a half in the previous reality when he lost conscience.

“How long have I been out?” John asked, his voice rough and his mouth dry.

“We found you this afternoon, but my best guess is around two days,” Beckett said, pointing his flashlight at John’s eyes. “Can you tell us who you are and where are from?”

“What are you doing? He’s obviously Sheppard,” Rodney intervened.

“Rodney, I’m trying to assert his mental state, as well as his identity. Even if he is John Sheppard, he’s obviously not the one native to this reality. As his scans are clear.”

Rodney’s expression went dark. “Yes. I know that. That’s not what I’m saying.”

“If I may?” John said. “I’m Lieutenant Colonel John Sheppard, and I came from an alternate reality. Dr. Beckett, you can skip the part where you say I’m sick, I know that. Jumping between realities has an adverse effect on the body. I had a flash drive in my pants’ pocket, did you find it?”

“Yes,” Rodney said. “I’ve been analyzing the data here, and I think I can help you. Elizabeth ordered a team to be sent to this planet, we can take you there as soon as they clear it.”

John couldn’t hide his shock. “Elizabeth? Dr. Elizabeth Weir? Is she still alive?”

Rodney nodded. “Yes, she has been our expedition leader for over five years now. What happened to Elizabeth in your reality?”

John swallowed hard, it had been years, but he still wasn’t over what happened. “She was infected with nanites that were deactivated and remained dormant for years, until they had to be reactivated to save her life. She soon after had to use her connection to the Asurans to help us get a ZPM and escape. She was captured and then killed, but a replicator version of her was created. It was complicated, eventually she had to be destroyed.”

Rodney looked at Carson. “You don’t think that–?”

“We have no reason to think that Sheppard would have had the same fate,” Carson told Rodney.

“I’m sorry, what are you talking about?” John asked.

Rodney closed his eyes, and sighed. “Elizabeth never had nanites here, John did. His nanites self-activated when he was flying a suicide mission, he was supposed to have died, but they kept him alive. Elizabeth wanted to bring him back here, but the IOA vetoed it, so we had to keep him in the Alpha Site. I built him a Faraday cage, but it was too late, the Asurans found him and took him. We defeated them, but never found any trace of John. I haven’t seen him in two years.”

“I’m sorry. I wish I had any information that could help you, but the real Elizabeth was killed immediately, and the replicator Elizabeth didn’t give us the address of the worlds she hid in after escaping from the Asuran homeworld.”

Rodney shook his head. “I understand. If he’s still out there, I’m going to find him.”

“Rodney,” Carson started.

Rodney huffed. “We don’t leave our people behind, you know that. And I find it funny how you all think that I’m the stubborn one here when you’re the ones who can’t stop trying to convince me to give up, so maybe the lesson here is that you need to get over this obsession you have with making me abandon my project, ever thought of that?” he said defensively.

Carson raised his hands in a surrender sign. “Fine, have it your way, lad. And if you,” he said pointing at John, “already understand your condition, there’s nothing I can do here. I’ll leave you two to talk, I’m sure Rodney can find a way to send you back.”

\---

At first, John didn’t think anything of the fact Rodney told the rest of his science team to leave the room. The device was dangerous, and there was no need to risk anyone else.

“John? There’s something I wanted to talk to you about, before we activated the device,” Rodney said, worrying John with his tone.

“More bad news?”

Their schedule had already been set back when the planet revealed itself to be a small Wraith outpost, that was destroyed under Elizabeth’s orders, but not without wasting most of the time John had there. There were down to a couple of hours now, and Rodney had just finished installing the equipment.

“Carson told me you won’t survive more than a couple more jumps. Not unless you can have months to rest and recover. And from what you’ve told me, the chances of the next reality being one where you would have access to this planet as minimal. If this doesn’t work, you will die.”

“Geez, McKay. Great pep talk.”

“I’m serious. I can stretch the window of time in which the device will search for a homing signal, but not by much. If the device isn’t on in your reality, and it would have a small window of activity too, so it needs to be constantly reactivated, you won’t be able to go home, and you will die in the next reality or the one after that.”

John sensed there was more to it than Rodney was telling him. “I trust Rodney, you and my Rodney. He’ll have figured out how the device works and he’ll have activated it for me, I’m sure of it.” He wasn’t before, but after meeting this Rodney, all his doubts disappeared.

“It’s been a month! Thirty days, with no way of communicating with you or coordinating a plan. What makes you think he’ll still be there?” Rodney asked frustrated.

“Because of you. I saw your lab, I heard the way your friends talk to you. It’s been two years, and you haven’t given up hope of finding your John Sheppard, I bet you still use every second of your free time looking for him. Before all of this, I once met a Rodney that allowed all his life to waste away, gave up Atlantis and any chance of an academic career, just so he could find a way to save my life, even though that would have meant he would never know if it worked. Another Rodney that I met told me that there’s very little variance between the core values of the alternates of any given individual. Well, the Rodney that gave up every day of his life to save me had lived a life with only a year of variance from the one in my reality, I know he won’t have given up on me so easily.”

Rodney looked teary-eyed, and for a moment, John feared he had said the wrong thing, but then Rodney pulled him close and gave him a brief kiss.

“Don’t go. I found a way to stop the jumping process. You can live here, Carson can treat you, you’ll be fine, but if I do this, I’ll be severing all your ties to your original reality, you would never be able to return there. But please, I can’t risk you dying. I can’t lose you again.”

And there it was. John sighed. “I’m not your John, Rodney, and my Rodney and my Atlantis need me. I can’t be here.”

“You can. This Atlantis needs you too, we are losing the war, and I can’t do this without you.”

John touched his cheek, looking at him fondly. “Rodney… You can, and you have to. I’m not who you want me to be, and you know that. Believe me, I understand the temptation, but I have a home to return to, I can’t let my Rodney down like this. And you have the factory address now, you can change the tide of this war, you don’t need me for this.”

Rodney closed his eyes, and leaned against John’s palm regretful. “A middle ground then. John, this is your last chance and you know it. You have already been unconscious for two days because of a jump. I’ll activate the device for you now, but if we get too close to the deadline, if you feel yourself being pulled to another reality, we stop this. All you have to do is tell me, and I’ll enter the command in my computer, then you get to stay here with me.”

John knew there were many things wrong with this plan, but he couldn’t find it in himself to deny this to Rodney. He knew that he wouldn’t survive much longer like this, and his chances of landing near Atlantis on the next jump were slim. Of all the realities he visited, this was the one he would fit best, he would have a place here. If he couldn’t return to his own, it was better than dying, even though he felt he owed to Rodney to keep trying.

“I’ll think about it in the time we have left, but while I do, we’ll activate the device. I wanna go home, Rodney.”

Rodney sighed. “I understand, I guess.”

“And there’s another thing. I know you are tired of hearing this, but I hope it’ll be different coming from me. You have to move on. You can’t spend the rest of your life looking for your John, he’s gone. Even if he isn’t, he is. I know this, and I know it’s not easy, I had to send someone that had all of Elizabeth’s memories to the vacuum of space and she’s still out there, and I have to keep fighting the temptation to try to bring her back, but the real Elizabeth died, and the real John Sheppard died too. Even if by some miracle there is a replicator version of him out there, he isn’t the man you knew. You are so close to my Rodney, that I think I’m close enough to your John to be able to say that he wouldn’t want this life for you.”

Rodney sobbed, but swallowed back his tears. “Let’s get you home, John.”

\---

Rodney rubbed his eyes. For the last month, he had barely slept, dedicating most of his hours to trying to recover Sheppard. Woolsey wasn’t happy with that, and although at first he remained sympathetic, after such a long time he was unwilling to keep both McKay and Zelenka, as well as Teyla, Ronon, and a large scientific team, exclusively dedicated to finding a way to bring Colonel Sheppard back. Rodney knew he was running out of time, and he was still no closer than he was on the first day. He knew now what the device did, sure, but without a way to communicate with Sheppard to synchronize their efforts, everything he was doing was futile.

“Rodney, as I’m sure you are aware,” Zelenka started.

“Yes, yes, I know! You don’t need to keep reminding me! But Sheppard is smart, and if our theory is right, he’ll have found me in every universe he visited. He was able to relay the information after each passing universe, an alternate version of me must have figured out a way to send him back here. We have to keep trying, increasing the odds that our efforts will be synchronous.” They had that discussion before, but Rodney was saying that as much to himself as he was to Zelenka. He had to hold on to hope.

Zelenka sighed. “We don’t have much time, Woolsey gave us only until the end of the day to–”

“If you want to go, go, but I’m staying here. I won’t give up until I can get Sheppard back.”

“Rodney, at this point, we must consider possibility that Colonel Sheppard no longer is–”

“Don’t even go there. Just pass me the computer, I’ll initialize the sequence again.”

Zelenka did as he was told. For the past week, he had tried to prepare Rodney for the worse, but Rodney ignored him at every turn. Teyla and Ronon also didn’t want give up hope, which was why they were still there, even though their presence was neither required, nor a great help, except for how they were assuring that Rodney got minimum amounts of food and sleep.

Rodney started the procedure. Despite what he told Zelenka, he wouldn’t have many more tries at this, as he suspected the other scientist knew. Each time a window was open, massive amounts energy were used, and the ZPM that powered the facility was almost depleted. Of course, if Woolsey knew that the ZPM was almost full when they started, not ‘with so little power left that it wouldn’t be useful to Atlantis’ like Rodney said, he would never have allowed that. If Rodney wasn’t so distressed, he would have thanked Zelenka for going along with it, although they haven’t discussed his lie.

He was crouching down near the device, trying to increase Sheppard’s window of opportunity ever further. Over the course of several weeks, they were able to expand the capability of the device to receive Sheppard’s signal, from the original few seconds for every time they activated it, to several minutes, but so far the only consequence was that the energy consumption had increased. He cursed the Ancients for creating such a useless device, which required action in two different universes with no way of communication between them. If Sheppard didn’t figure out what he had to do soon…

The light was blinding, and for a moment, he was disoriented. Rodney felt hands on his shoulders pulling him up, and squinted his eyes, trying to focus on who was holding him.

“Rodney, did it work? Am I back?” John asked, looking at his face and searching for a sign that this was the Rodney he knew. He shifted a hand to Rodney’s cheek and the other down his arm.

“Colonel Sheppard? I can’t believe this actually…” he trailed off, swallowing hard. They were close enough that Rodney could feel John’s warm breath, and John was looking at him with such attention that he couldn’t concentrate.

John smiled. “You did it, you kept the device activated for me, for all this time.”

Rodney licked his lips, uncomfortable with the intensity of John’s look. “Of course, we don’t leave our people behind, I wouldn’t just–”

John interrupted him with a kiss. His plan was to talk to him in private after they had returned to Atlantis, asking about the kiss they shared in the past, but the relief at being back was too much to control. When Rodney didn’t try to pull back, instead opening his mouth to him and placing a hand on his waist and grabbing his hair with the other to pull him closer, John passed his free arm around Rodney’s back and shifted his hand to the back of his head, allowing the kiss to become more desperate.

“Oh, no, we brought back the wrong Sheppard, didn’t we?” Rodney asked as soon as they separated.

John fondly caressed his cheek with a thumb. “No, I’m pretty sure I’m in the right universe now, I’ve just had some enlightening encounters.”

Zelenka cleared his throat, making Rodney and John go jumping in opposite directions. “I’ll go warn Dr. Beckett or dial Atlantis or just not be here,” he said, while practically running out the door.

“I didn’t notice Zelenka was here,” John said, after they stared at each other for too long.

“I don’t think we have to worry about him saying anything. He covered for me when I lied to Woolsey so that I could use the ZPM.”

“You did what?”

Rodney looked ashamed. “This facility had a nearly full ZPM. Had being the operative word, I’ll have to run another diagnose, but I think it should be at around 2% power now.”

“You used an entire ZPM?” John was actually impressed, he didn’t think there was anything Rodney would want more than a fully charged ZPM. “And lied about it?”

“Woolsey wanted to take the ZPM to Atlantis, if I hadn’t told him it would be useless there, he wouldn’t have let me continue.” Nothing apart from getting John back, apparently.

John smiled. “Well, I’m touched.”

Rodney was about to make an excuse when he realized he didn’t have to. Not only it would be pointless to try to hide his feelings now, but the first thing John did after confirming he was back was to kiss him, not even caring enough to check who else might be there. Which reminded Rodney of something. “Wait a minute, you said something about enlightening encounters?”

John licked his lips, unsure about how to phrase it. “Did you figure out what this device does?”

Rodney rolled his eyes. “No, I have been sitting here for a month with my entire science team doing nothing. Of course I know, it transported you to other universes, near the version of me that existed in that universe, changing universes every forty-eight hours.”

“I noticed a certain pattern among the many versions of Rodney McKay that I met over these weeks.”

“Oh, please tell me that none of them hit on you.”

“Well, not all of them. Some didn’t like me very much. One actually shot me. A few kissed me, but half of those were thinking of the John Sheppard they knew. A couple wanted more, but I figured it wouldn’t be fair to you. I’ll tell you all about that later.” John thought Rodney would like to know about the math professor, but it wasn’t the time to talk about this. “We should probably head back for Atlantis.”

“Yes, Atlantis. Oh shit, Ronon and Teyla. They are just outside, we should go tell them you are fine.”

John was glad to know his whole team was there, he was eager to see them again after so long. “Oh, before we go, I have a present for you. I think it will compensate the loss of the ZPM,” he said, starting to pull his shirt from inside his pants.

Rodney’s eyes went wide. “What, here?”

John rolled his eyes and laughed. “No, not what you are thinking, although I would very much like passing by your quarters later, but I do need at least a good night of sleep first, I’m exhausted.” He exposed the address on his stomach. “It’s actually a gift from a Rodney I met, gate address for the planet with the last surviving ZPM factory.”

Rodney looked even more surprised at that. “What? How is that even possible? If there was a factory Janus would have told Elizabeth.”

“Because it’s not working. Not yet, but the other Rodney managed to fix it, and so can you. The Wraith attacked it and the Ancients must have thought it was destroyed, it was in a pretty bad shape from what that Rodney told me. But I can tell you all about that at the mission briefing. Shall we?” John asked, moving towards the door.

“Wait, wait, wait, you can’t tell me you know of a ZPM factory and then just walk away!” Rodney shouted, running after him. He was practically glowing, he got John, a kiss, a promise of more, and a ZPM factory, this day couldn’t be better. Except maybe if John meant a power nap instead of a full night of sleep and managed to get to Rodney in the next few hours.

John smiled; he knew Rodney would love the news, and could barely wait to see his face once they started production.

\---

John passed out as soon as they set foot in Atlantis. Rodney almost fell trying to hold him up, before Ronon took John’s weight out of him. Carson quickly ordered a gurney to be brought, and rushed him to the infirmary.

Rodney was panicking. After a month doing everything he could to try to save John, he couldn’t believe that he could still lose him, especially now that they had decided to deepen their relationship. He followed them back to the infirmary and refused to leave, even hours later when Carson assured him that John would be fine, but would need several hours before he woke up.

Rodney set vigil by John’s bed, at first accompanied by Teyla and Ronon, but they finally left to sleep after too many sleepless nights caused by worry. Rodney could barely blink, afraid that if he closed his eyes John would disappear as suddenly as he had the first time. Sometime in the middle of the night, after most of the staff was gone and even the night nurse was asleep in a corner, Rodney reached out and grabbed John’s hand, needed the physical reminder that he was still there.

Later, Rodney would regret having been there, because he overheard Carson talking to a nurse about John’s condition. Nothing that couldn’t be repaired with a weeklong treatment with a carefully prepared coquetel of drugs and ‘no more of that jumping between universes’. Rodney relaxed hearing that, but then Carson went on to explain that not only did the jumps caused extreme fatigue, some weight loss, and anemia, they caused, more disturbingly, in imbalance in brain chemistry that could lead to difficulties to focus, erratic behavior, and poor impulse control.

Rodney tried to ignore what he heard. Just because John had these symptoms, it didn’t mean that all of his actions were motivated by his condition. Right, because the John he knew would, in his right mind, kiss Rodney in front of witnesses. The more Rodney replayed the scene in his head, the less sense John’s behavior made. After just a few minutes, he had convinced himself that that kiss and the rest of their interaction were motivated by John’s condition. He couldn’t think of a single time before in which John had shown the slightest interest in him, or responded when Rodney tried to make a pass at him.

He left the infirmary before Carson could come to check on John. If what Carson had said the previous night held truth, John would wake up soon enough, and Rodney didn’t want to be there when that happened. If they had any chance of salvaging their friendship, Rodney needed to stay away for a while, until he could forget what happened, or at least convince himself to give up all hope of getting what he wanted.

\---

At first, John didn’t want to push Rodney. Despite his initial response to the kiss being positive, Rodney had been avoiding him since then. Ronon and Teyla told him that Rodney was by his side all night in the infirmary, but he wasn’t there when John woke up early in the morning. Beckett told him what he already knew because of his consultations in other realities, gave him two weeks off active duty and a regiment of pills as well as a special diet to be followed for a month, and commented that he found it odd that Rodney finally took his advice and left.

After a couple of days, he went looking for Rodney in his lab, but Zelenka told him that Rodney was doing maintenance work all around Atlantis. John tried not to let this get to him. If Rodney needed space, he could give it to him, or at least he thought he could. After a week of Rodney not answering to his radio, making up excuses to skip meetings, and avoiding his lab and even his room, John figured he had to do something to repair their relationship.

He could have asked Atlantis for Rodney’s location, since she could actually differentiate between the gene carriers, but he had nothing if not free time, and he missed walking those corridors. He checked Rodney’s room and lab first, even though he knew he wouldn’t be there, then he walked to their pier. It was weird, going there without beer and an excuse to meet, but he was right in his guess that Rodney would be there.

“Can we talk?” he asked, sitting down next to Rodney.

“Do we have to?” Rodney said, without looking up.

“Well, think about it this way, it’s me asking, and you know much I hate this type of talk.”

Rodney chuckled. “That is true.”

They stayed silent for a long moment.

“This only works if one of us talk,” said John.

“Do you regret what happened back in the planet? I mean, after you got back.”

That caught John by surprise. “Do you?” John feared he had made the wrong call and ruined what they had, but he wouldn’t try to retreat until Rodney told him that. He had taken his chance, and would stick by it.

“I heard Carson talking about how the jumps affected you, your behavior. I should have noticed you weren’t acting like yourself. I mean, for starters, you never showed any interest in me before.”

John took a deep breath, in for a penny… “You mean, aside from the other time I kissed you.”

Rodney frowned. “What are you talking about? You mean in the other realities?”

“The first harvest festival on New Athos number two.”

Rodney furrowed his eyebrows in concentration. “I barely remember anything about the festival. Teyla sang at some point, and I woke up with one hell of a headache, that’s it.”

John sighed. “We were drinking, people started to leave, we stayed behind by the fire, talking about the Wonder Woman tv show and how unfair it was that they never did another one. Next thing I noticed, we were alone. You said something funny, I don’t remember what, but it made me think about how much I like you. I kissed you before I could think any better, and you kissed me back.”

“But that was months ago! Why didn’t you say anything?”

John shrugged. “The next morning you acted as if nothing happened, so I figured you regretted it and didn’t want to deal with it.”

“Oh.” Rodney cleared his throat. “So, does that mean you didn’t just kiss me because your brain was a mess?”

John rubbed the back of his neck. “I wasn’t planning on kissing you on the planet, nor in front of Zelenka for that matter. I wanted to talk to you later, maybe after being checked out and getting some sleep. So there’s a good chance that I did kiss you at that moment because my decision making wasn’t at its best, but I’m fine now, and I would do it again.”

Rodney thought about that for a moment. “Wait, do you mean do it again as in you wouldn’t change the past if you could, or as in you would kiss me a second time? Or rather, a third, although I would say the first doesn’t count if I can’t remember it. And I don’t even want to know how many times you kissed other versions of me. I feel like this is an important distinction, because I would really like if you–”

John grabbed him by the back of the neck and kissed him, and Rodney actually tried to finish his sentence for a moment before his brain caught up with what was happening and he started kissing back.

“Does that answer your question?” John asked with a smirk.

“I–yeah, yeah it does.”

Rodney turned to look back at the ocean, trying to reconcile everything that had happened over the last few weeks. He knew he loved John for a long time now, longer than he cared to admit, but he never dared to hope anything would come of it. So many times when they were together, more than a few of them in this pier, he tried to convince himself that he was fine with John being his best friend, but then John disappeared and he realized he would do anything to get him back. If he had depleted the ZPM, he would have stole Atlantis’ if necessary; hell, he would have found a way to use the device to send him wherever John was and bring him back, because he couldn’t stand to live in a world without him.

“Hey, buddy, is everything ok?” John asked concerned, as the silence between them prolonged.

Rodney sighed, because no, it wasn’t ok, and he wanted to hold on to John and never let him touch any unknown Ancient devices or go on a suicide mission ever again, but he couldn’t do that. “Don’t do that again. Don’t… go away, ever again. I could have lost you, and I wouldn’t even know… I wouldn’t–” His voice broke, and John hugged him.

“I’m sorry, I know I shouldn’t have touched it, I’ll try to be more careful.”

“You saved my life. I figured out what the red button does, it’s made to erase someone from the timeline. If I had pressed it, I would have disappeared, as if I had never existed.”

John held him tighter, terrified to even entertain the possibility. “I knew it would be bad, but not how bad. The system isn’t as sophisticated as Atlantis’, it just gave me a general warning.”

Rodney pushed back slightly. “You gotta be kidding me. Is there anything that supercharged gene of yours can’t do?”

John snorted. Trust Rodney’s jealousy to disarm any emotionally charged situation. “If you think that’s bad, then I shouldn’t tell you about how I could always know I was in an alternate Atlantis because they hummed differently.”

“Oh, come on, you are fucking with me now, there’s nothing in Atlantis’ code to support this kind of identification.”

John smiled, but refrained from making the obvious joke. “Atlantis’ AI is more than just code, Rodney. Maybe once you accept it, you’ll be able to communicate with her better.”

“She’ll still love you the most though.”

John laughed. “That’s ok, because I still love you the most.” Then he realized what he had said and averted his eyes. He no longer had any excuses to be honest, and was back at feeling the full effect of every emotional revelation he made, especially the accidental ones.

Rodney studied his face, as if he was searching for something, and then he said in a forced casual tone, “That’s actually really convenient, because I love you too, so things would be really awkward otherwise. Plus, if you told me you preferred Atlantis that would totally ruin your chances of getting laid.”

John took that for what it was, an out from what could become a proper talk about Feelings with capital f, which he hated more than getting shot at. “Really? And how are my chances looking now?” John asked with a playful smile.

“Pretty good, especially if you keep smiling like this.” Rodney loved that smile, not the one he used to charm the natives, but the real and spontaneous one, the one Rodney liked to think that was reserved for his team. “Do you really have to be this charming? Even though I do think the hair is a bit much.”

John put a hand up to his head. “Hey, it looks like this naturally,” he said defensively.

“I don’t believe you, your hair defies gravity.”

“I’m telling you the truth, it’s already like that when I wake up. You can see for yourself if you want to.”

“Subtle. Don’t mind if I take you up on your offer.” Rodney chuckled. The more he thought about it, the more he started to think of their previous friendly banter as poorly disguised flirting, especially now that both of them seemed unable to say more than a couple sentences without shamelessly starting to flirt again.

“Do you wanna go now?” John asked, nodding with his head back to the corridor.

“In a moment. Can we stay here a little longer?” Rodney couldn’t explain why he wanted this, but he had too much going through his mind, and this place helped calm him down. All the feelings that he had been bottling up and refusing to deal with came tumbling down, and it was overwhelming, but in a good way, like the first breath of fresh air after being drowned. He felt as if he had been living in a state of emotional suspension since John disappeared, being driven forward exclusively by setting himself to work on achieving clear goals, and now the world was spinning again and he needed to adjust back to that.

“Sure, as long as you want.”

Rodney felt John studying his face, but he couldn’t find words for everything that was going on in his mind, so he simply said, “I like it here.”

John smiled fondly at him, then turned his eyes back to the horizon. “Yeah, me too. I could stay here forever.” He wasn’t sure if he meant with Rodney, by the pier, or simply in Atlantis, but it didn’t matter, because either one would be true. After so long being lost, he was finally home.

**Author's Note:**

> This is my longest fic so far, and I almost didn't finish it because I kept wanting to add more and more to it. It's a shame I couldn't actually show more of all these Rodneys, because I had a lot planned for them. I'm thinking of writing sequels showing what happened to them after John left, would that be something people would be interested in?

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Art for "The Journey Home" by Melime](https://archiveofourown.org/works/6552430) by [penumbria](https://archiveofourown.org/users/penumbria/pseuds/penumbria)




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